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in my shyness May 28, 2009

In my shyness... At times I retreat to my ‘shell, Clinging to the securities of being alone. In my shyness... I may attempt to merge with my surrounding-- To be ignored, unnoticed, a silent voice rarely heard. In my shyness... I can feel completely alone, Although surrounded by people. In my shyness... I’m perceived as having a padlocked soul-- And few try to gain entry into my realm. In my shyness... Few will dare venture to really know me-- To hear my quiet voice or to really try to understand. In my shyness... I can have a myriad of words to say, Yet, my sealed lips will not release them. In my shyness... The words I do speak will at times be jumbled, And I’ll feel worse for having spoken them. In my shyness... I will be viewed as ‘Stuck up’ and unfriendly, Labeled by the presumption of a troubled past. Yet, despite my shyness... I will at times emerge from my ‘shell,’ And you may catch a glimpse of who I am. And despite my shyness... I may put on a ‘front,’ Disguising my innermost insecurities. Despite my shyness... A select few will manage to penetrate these ‘walls,’ With the sharing of time and the evolving of trust. My shyness... Frequently unrecognized, seldom understood-- A shackle, a haven, a veil.

when im hurting May 28, 2009

It's easier for you to walk away, than it is for you to reach out to me.
It's easier for you to look away, than it is for you to see the depth of my despair.
It's easier for you to look through me, than it is for you to see "me."
It's easier for you to distance yourself, than it is for you to really care.
It's easier for you to hear, than it is for you to listen.
It's easier for you to judge, than it is for you to understand.
It's easier for you to label, than it is to get acquainted.
It's easier for you to bask in your joy, than it is for you to feel my pain.

It's easier for me to push you away, than it is for me to be held.
It's easier for me to distance myself, than it is to trust that you won´t hurt me.
It's easier for me to die, than it is for me to face life's challenges.

If only you'd really look at me and see who I am.
If only you cared enough to reach out when I push you away.
If only you'd hold me, without asking why.
If only you'd acknowledge the validity of my feelings.

But it's the easy roads that are most often taken.
And so I hurt alone.

stop May 28, 2009

The phone rings on the counter
You answer cheerfully to hear
That your boy committed suicide, hes been dead for an hour
Speechless you drop the phone, and shed a single tear

He put a gun to his head
He took his own life
Your baby boy is dead
The pain stabs you like a knife

Now you wish you would have asked what was wrong
Now you wish you could have changed this before it was too late
You were "too busy" to notice hes been depressed for so long
He chose this to be his fate

You fall to the floor
Shaking with your tears
Your young daughter bursts through the door
Through your sobs "hes gone" is all she hears

Your shreiks and screams piercing through the air
He will never get another chance to live
Why didnt you take the time to care
To get him back, theres nothing you wouldnt give

The doctors say his body is ice cold
He lost blood to fast
Committed suicide at only seventeen years old
Now months have passed...


You still cant put yourself together
Pictures and memories all around you
His empty room, haunting you forever
Your little boys life is through

Every 43 seconds someone attempts suicide
Every 18 minutes someone succeeds in taking their life
No one is alone
Everyone is loved
There i